HaPpY

i love being missed =)

the old slash the new

it's hard to find words to say what you want to say sometimes..it's like when you're feeling so many emotions that you don't know whether to say you're happy or you're angry or you're confused..you are juss all of the above and that is the only way to describe it..

lately, i've felt a surge of overwhelming emotions..i'm living in a place that is old and familar to me yet everything seems different, sometimes in a little way, but often not..although it's the same setting, the things that were here then are no longer still here..

the upside is that i value the things that are the same more..i can take comfort in the fact that not everything is different..although that is certainly a nice feeling, i miss being in familar territory..

and along the same lines, i miss being back at school..i don't miss the school part of it at all, but i miss the city, the people and the life

and so it begins..

i like change..so much that at one point in time, i practically trained myself to live in mini 4 month increments..it worked for me..moving around to different places, being around different people, experiencing different things..

i even excelled and thrived after a dramatic change like moving to a new city and switching program..the end of that change juss marked a stronger and smarter me..haha..

that was exactly one year ago..

and now..i've come to realize that the change i've experienced and become accustomed to is sudden change..but for the first time since i can remember, this year i've experienced a gradual change..a grown-up change, if you will..

this is when change has been rather difficult for me..yet i've somehow dealt with it and survived and turned it into one of the best times of my life..

but now when life throws me back into the sudden change, i'm a little thrown off my game..it's ionic, but i've actually gotten used to something and don't like that it's changed..i think it's a control thing..i like being in control and it's like i'm not anymore..

so what shall i do with myself? i guess juss let it be and deal with it as it comes..perhaps taking it one day at a time is the best way because when i think too far ahead, i get scared..this usually leads to some sort of sadness..and well, sadness doesn't suit me..i like to be happy

=)

finally done..

and although it definitely feels good to be done..it's not as gratifying as i thought it might be..

i'm going to miss being/living in the city..

oh well, plenty to look forward to: new job, new scenery, nice warm weather..

=)