my life runs in cycles..like i keep saying, sometimes it's unbelievably good and sometimes it's not so great.. so what to do when it's not so good? well, i try to think about all the good times..then i think about how this will soon pass and when it's too hard to think of these things or i'm juss overwhelmed, i'm always reminded of something happy that can put a smile on my face..i rely on the little things that people do that can make me feel special and as long as that is there, i think i can keep going =)
i realize the tone i've been setting has been a little dim..i dunno..sometimes i juss don't feel like myself.. i can't even put into decent words what i'm thinking..i've been trying for days now to form some sort of cognitive sentence..but no luck i'm working on it..
i learn something new about myself everyday..sometimes it's good things, sometimes it's not..sometimes it's easy to accept and sometimes it seems almost mpossible.. once upon a time i was a strong, driven and incredibly motivated person..someone who faught and defended for EVERYTHING she believed in and seldom did i not get my way..it was this i prided myself in..my crazy determination and high expectations, not only in myself but those who i cross paths with.. and yet..in such a short and unexplainable amount of time, i have re-evaluated whole hearted about who i really am and i'm not sure how i feel about it.. i often let my head over power my heart and passion..this is is an eternal conflict i think i will forever have..it's a struggle because logic and reason has governed my every action up until now..to let go of all that and juss trust or hope was a crazy thought i had dismissed long ago..there is so much uncertainty in that.. now it seems i want to believe in it ever-so-much..and why? ...because somewhere on the path of becoming who i am, i have lost sight of what is supposed to matter..and now, i no longer wish to lose anymore.. i do not wish to and so i shall not pin-point exactly what is supposed to matter because, afterall, who am i to be the one to declare..it's a matter of decisions and as i sit here surrounded by my thoughts, i am even more confused as before i think i've made a mess of something and i don't quite know how to fix it
i've been meaning to write but everytime i try to get started, nothing comes to mind..nothing interesting happening these days..my lack of something is killing me..yet, somedays i am happy and somedays i am sad..it's an interesting thing to go through but not worthy of a detailed recollection.. i dunno..i'm a little lost for words..or maybe juss a little lost in general
