a lesson for me

i learn something new about myself everyday..sometimes it's good things, sometimes it's not..sometimes it's easy to accept and sometimes it seems almost mpossible..

once upon a time i was a strong, driven and incredibly motivated person..someone who faught and defended for EVERYTHING she believed in and seldom did i not get my way..it was this i prided myself in..my crazy determination and high expectations, not only in myself but those who i cross paths with..

and yet..in such a short and unexplainable amount of time, i have re-evaluated whole hearted about who i really am and i'm not sure how i feel about it..

i often let my head over power my heart and passion..this is is an eternal conflict i think i will forever have..it's a struggle because logic and reason has governed my every action up until now..to let go of all that and juss trust or hope was a crazy thought i had dismissed long ago..there is so much uncertainty in that..

now it seems i want to believe in it ever-so-much..and why?

...because somewhere on the path of becoming who i am, i have lost sight of what is supposed to matter..and now, i no longer wish to lose anymore..

i do not wish to and so i shall not pin-point exactly what is supposed to matter because, afterall, who am i to be the one to declare..it's a matter of decisions and as i sit here surrounded by my thoughts, i am even more confused as before

i think i've made a mess of something and i don't quite know how to fix it