i have never been one to like surprises..big or small..fun or boring..they have juss never been my thing..i was the type of person who always liked to be in control, plan things out and know what was gonna happen.. then somewhere along the line, someone showed me surprises are nice if you let them be..this person has also shown me so many things and introduced me to a world i thought i'd never be in..it's led me to believe in things i never dreamt possible.. so it juss goes to show you, things can change, you can change, life can change =)
many times in life we find ourselves in certain situations..upon coming out of these situations we often reflect..after reflecting, most of us sometimes make mental notes of what we learned.. the most common thing i think people learn is about what they want..in this, i mean, you learn about things you want to strive for..or even strive to be.. but more recently, i've come to realize that not only is it important to know what you want to be..it's also important to know what you DON'T want to be.. this lesson is much harder to learn than the first.. cuz after all, you see someone do something cool and you're like, 'oh i want to be juss like that'..but how many times can you say, 'oh i definitely don't want to be like that'? i dunno.. sometimes i feel that we get so caught up in reaching for the top or trying to become someone else that we forget about the little things that actually make us who we are
sometimes it really doesn't matter to me what other ppl think..sure that's a sign of arrogance..but i like to think of it more along the lines of confidence.. confidence: defined as the state of being certain or the feeling of self assurance.. i can't comprehend not having confidence in myself or the things i do..without confidence, you lack so many things..you lack motivation, intelligence, poise and common sense.. maybe that's a reason why i can't stand pushovers and people pleasers i also suppose this is why i come across as a bit stuck up sometimes..but really, all it's about is me being confident..and as a direct result..i excel at being me =)
people say that there's no right or wrong way to live..it's what you do and how you do it..
but what you do and how you do it are based on the decisions you make..and with most decisions, there ARE right and wrong ways..so if you are using this as a basis for living, it's so contradictory..
so i think to myself, am i living the right way? well, i'm happy with who i am, i'm thankful for what i have, i'm content with where i am and i'm pleased with what i'm doing..so sure, i'm living life quite finely
but then i can't help but think..how do i know i'm actually living to my utmost potential? like how happy is my happiness? sometimes i feel like i'm juss letting everyday pass by without properly reflecting because i've settled..as a result, the little things as well as the big things are juss sort of going by..but then again, settling is nice..it's comfortable..because someone once told me that you can't live life while you are searching for better..if you do, you will never be happy nor will you be able to appreciate what you have..
i bet none of this nonsense i'm writing actually makes any sense..but it's 1:30am and i am unable to sleep so i thought i'd ramble for a bit =)
sometimes i wish happiness came in a little bottle or something..it would solve like everything..cuz when i'm happy, everything is good and life is juss that much better but i guess that is asking too much.. so i shall resort to my happy list that consists of everything possible that makes me happy..almost as good as having a bottle of happiness =)
some days i wake up happy, some days i wake up with my head in a jumbled mess then the day progresses and various things can happen..it can either complicate or simply things..it can make things better or worse..it can make me forget or overanalyze things..it can make me pleased or angered..it can turn out a million ways.. so as a result, some days i go to sleep happy, some days i go to sleep with my head in a jumbled mess but the good thing, even if today sucked, tomorrow could be totally awesome and therefore, it's okay that today was a day like today =)
